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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
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And was hoping not to have to use tables.AddicksAddict said:
When that didn’t work, he used logs.Stig said:Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.1 -
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I was trying to warn my mate about the dangers of Russian Roulette the other day - Unfortunately it seems to have gone through one ear, and out the other9
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Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else2 -
ForeverAddickted said:Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
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I’ve spent the last 4 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint .. I still haven’t been seen.
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A boy asks his dad what the two dogs in the park were doing? They're making a puppy son replied the Dad.
A couple of weeks later the boy walks in on his mum and dad while they were at it ... 'What are you doing Dad?' The Dad was a bit exasperated and just said, 'Were making a baby son'.
The boy then said, 'Well can you get Mum to turnover then, I'd rather have a puppy'.14 -
Reminds me of this one…_MrDick said:I’ve spent the last 4 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint .. I still haven’t been seen.
Sergeant Major bawling at one of his men. “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning Private Jones” he screamed.
”Thank you very much sir” came the reply.1 -
TelMc32 said:
Reminds me of this one…_MrDick said:I’ve spent the last 4 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint .. I still haven’t been seen.
Sergeant Major bawling at one of his men. “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning Private Jones” he screamed.
”Thank you very much sir” came the reply.
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Sponsored links:
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Best ever episode of Only Fools and Horses, when Trigger had to referee the 1976 UEFA Cup Semi Final between Liverpool and Barcelona11 -
I think you’ll find they’ve all been done mate!! 🙄Hal1x said:TelMc32 said:
Reminds me of this one…_MrDick said:I’ve spent the last 4 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint .. I still haven’t been seen.
Sergeant Major bawling at one of his men. “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning Private Jones” he screamed.
”Thank you very much sir” came the reply.2 -
As the night of Christmas eve gives way to Christmas day, Carol Vorderman and Rachel Riley will be performing a special service at Westminster Cathedral of addition, subtraction, division, multiplication and algebra - it is Midnight Maths
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What do you call a collection of Auctioneers
A lot3 -
Why is it impossible to surprise Darth Vader at Christmas?
Because he'll always feel your presents4 -
Seems that Cars dont last as long as they used to.
My mechanic told me my car only had four Goodyears0 -
The Coldstream Guards are on parade and the sergeant-major calls out “Private Cholmondley-Robinson, your mum‘s dead”. The private is understandably upset and breaks down in tears. After the parade, the sergeant-major is called in for a little chat on sensitivity by his captain. “You have to break news like that gently”, he’s told.
A few weeks later, again on parade, the sergeant-major calls out “All those with a father take one step forward. Private Cholmondley-Robinson, where the hell do you think you’re going?”9 -
If you've ever wondered what makes something "British".
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Thank you @ForeverAddickted as I managed to slip this joke into a Christmas Eve luncheon conversation today 🤓🎅🏿🥂ForeverAddickted said:Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else3 -
I hope it was a conversation about the best jokes you've heard in 2024, rather than jokes that make you want to jump out at the top storey of a high level buildingSolidgone said:
Thank you @ForeverAddickted as I managed to slip this joke into a Christmas Eve luncheon conversation today 🤓🎅🏿🥂ForeverAddickted said:Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
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ForeverAddickted said:
I hope it was a conversation about the best jokes you've heard in 2024, rather than jokes that make you want to jump out at the top storey of a high level buildingSolidgone said:
Thank you @ForeverAddickted as I managed to slip this joke into a Christmas Eve luncheon conversation today 🤓🎅🏿🥂ForeverAddickted said:Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
Or even take a long walk off a short pier.1 -
Moose is currently running a survey to find out who's the youngest person who gets this joke.
https://bsky.app/profile/mooseallain.bsky.social/post/3leblje3eo22z1 -
I have no idea what the joke isSwindon_Addick said:Moose is currently running a survey to find out who's the youngest person who gets this joke.
https://bsky.app/profile/mooseallain.bsky.social/post/3leblje3eo22z3 -
i guess its supposed to look like one of those old plastic toys where the legs collapse when you press a button- laugh...sadly noMrOneLung said:
I have no idea what the joke isSwindon_Addick said:Moose is currently running a survey to find out who's the youngest person who gets this joke.
https://bsky.app/profile/mooseallain.bsky.social/post/3leblje3eo22z
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Follow the link, someone demonstrates.MrOneLung said:
I have no idea what the joke isSwindon_Addick said:Moose is currently running a survey to find out who's the youngest person who gets this joke.
https://bsky.app/profile/mooseallain.bsky.social/post/3leblje3eo22z0 -
Bring back the jokes thread 🥸0
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What is Emlyn Hughes banner hanging on ?Chizz said:
Best ever episode of Only Fools and Horses, when Trigger had to referee the 1976 UEFA Cup Semi Final between Liverpool and Barcelona11 -
I’ve imparted some _MrDick wisdom on a bloke down at B&Q. He was standing clutching a multi grade pack of sandpaper. He looked at me and said " you cant buy it in single sheets”.I put my hand comfortingly on his shoulder and said "mate, sometimes you just have to take the rough with the smooth”14
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I asked Stevie Wonder why (a) he kept turning up the heating, (b) what fencers say when they hit each other, and (c) why he wanted to be a shepherd.He replied:I'm just cold.TouchéI love ewe3
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_MrDick said:I asked Stevie Wonder why (a) he kept turning up the heating, (b) what fencers say when they hit each other, and (c) why he wanted to be a shepherd.He replied:I'm just cold.TouchéI love eweThe time for christmas cracker jokes thankfully has passed. Mr Dick, please note.
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