I was trying to warn my mate about the dangers of Russian Roulette the other day - Unfortunately it seems to have gone through one ear, and out the other
A boy asks his dad what the two dogs in the park were doing? They're making a puppy son replied the Dad.
A couple of weeks later the boy walks in on his mum and dad while they were at it ... 'What are you doing Dad?' The Dad was a bit exasperated and just said, 'Were making a baby son'.
The boy then said, 'Well can you get Mum to turnover then, I'd rather have a puppy'.
As the night of Christmas eve gives way to Christmas day, Carol Vorderman and Rachel Riley will be performing a special service at Westminster Cathedral of addition, subtraction, division, multiplication and algebra - it is Midnight Maths
The Coldstream Guards are on parade and the sergeant-major calls out “Private Cholmondley-Robinson, your mum‘s dead”. The private is understandably upset and breaks down in tears. After the parade, the sergeant-major is called in for a little chat on sensitivity by his captain. “You have to break news like that gently”, he’s told.
A few weeks later, again on parade, the sergeant-major calls out “All those with a father take one step forward. Private Cholmondley-Robinson, where the hell do you think you’re going?”
Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
Thank you @ForeverAddickted as I managed to slip this joke into a Christmas Eve luncheon conversation today 🤓🎅🏿🥂
I hope it was a conversation about the best jokes you've heard in 2024, rather than jokes that make you want to jump out at the top storey of a high level building
Boy asks his mother... Can I have a Dog for Christmas
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
Thank you @ForeverAddickted as I managed to slip this joke into a Christmas Eve luncheon conversation today 🤓🎅🏿🥂
I hope it was a conversation about the best jokes you've heard in 2024, rather than jokes that make you want to jump out at the top storey of a high level building
I’ve imparted some _MrDick wisdom on a bloke down at B&Q. He was standing clutching a multi grade pack of sandpaper. He looked at me and said " you cant buy it in single sheets”.
I put my hand comfortingly on his shoulder and said "mate, sometimes you just have to take the rough with the smooth”
Comments
No... You can have turkey like everyone else
A couple of weeks later the boy walks in on his mum and dad while they were at it ... 'What are you doing Dad?' The Dad was a bit exasperated and just said, 'Were making a baby son'.
The boy then said, 'Well can you get Mum to turnover then, I'd rather have a puppy'.
Sergeant Major bawling at one of his men. “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning Private Jones” he screamed.
”Thank you very much sir” came the reply.
Best ever episode of Only Fools and Horses, when Trigger had to referee the 1976 UEFA Cup Semi Final between Liverpool and Barcelona
A lot
Because he'll always feel your presents
My mechanic told me my car only had four Goodyears
A few weeks later, again on parade, the sergeant-major calls out “All those with a father take one step forward. Private Cholmondley-Robinson, where the hell do you think you’re going?”
Or even take a long walk off a short pier.
https://bsky.app/profile/mooseallain.bsky.social/post/3leblje3eo22z