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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,316
    The phone rings and the wifes answers. 

    At the other end of the line a perverted voice goes: "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair" - The wife replies... "He's watching TV at the moment, who is calling?" 
  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,316
    Wife walks in the room to find her Husband screwing his secretary up the arse... "You cant do this to me", the wife says.

    "Its exactly why Im doing it to her" replies the Husband 
  • Someone should give David Beckham a Durex, because it's the only knighthood he'll likely receive.

    (Night hood)
  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,559
    Someone should give David Beckham a Durex, because it's the only knighthood he'll likely receive.

    (Night hood)
    Doesn’t really work when you have to explain the punchline.
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,735
    Someone should give David Beckham a Durex, because it's the only knighthood he'll likely receive.

    (Night hood)
    That’s terrible .
  • SuedeAdidas
    SuedeAdidas Posts: 7,740
    I’m spotting a theme @ForeverAddickted
  • Blackheathen
    Blackheathen Posts: 6,655
    A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.  He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.  As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts “Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and didn’t pay for your sandwich”.

    The panda yells back at the bartender “Hey man, I’m a panda! Look it up”

    The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

    A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring.  Eats shoots and leaves.
  • A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.  He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.  As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts “Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and didn’t pay for your sandwich”.

    The panda yells back at the bartender “Hey man, I’m a panda! Look it up”

    The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

    A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring.  Eats shoots and leaves.
    "And don't you dare call me a marsupial."
  • thenewbie
    thenewbie Posts: 11,000
    If anyone wants a dead battery, I'm giving one away - free of charge 
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    Someone should give David Beckham a Durex, because it's the only knighthood he'll likely receive.

    (Night hood)
    Doesn’t really work when you have to explain the punchline.
    and he will also be knighted.
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  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,183

    Trump invites a mate to take a punt on a L1 London club.  
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783

    Trump invites a mate to take a punt on a L1 London club.  
    "I'm going to win a second term as President".

    "Oh, my aching sides".
  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,559
    Just heard I didn’t get the job I applied for in the sandwich factory as the rolls already been filled.
  • Am so excited... I've finally got my first job as an Actor in the porn industry and what's more... the woman playing the "wife" is really hot too - Although seems I'm the Husband that leaves home before the plumber arrives!!
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    Am so excited... I've finally got my first job as an Actor in the porn industry and what's more... the woman playing the "wife" is really hot too - Although seems I'm the Husband that leaves home before the plumber arrives!!
    well that was a bit of an anti-climax!
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,022
    I was having hot steamy sex when my Mum's sister walked in on us. Bloody Auntie Climax. 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783
    Stig said:
    I was having hot steamy sex when my Mum's sister walked in on us. Bloody Auntie Climax. 
    We all want to hear what happened next.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783

  • ross1
    ross1 Posts: 50,974
    Stig said:
    I was having hot steamy sex when my Mum's sister walked in on us. Bloody Auntie Climax. 
    Did she join in?
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  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,022
    Stig said:
    I was having hot steamy sex when my Mum's sister walked in on us. Bloody Auntie Climax. 
    We all want to hear what happened next.
    Had to pull out quick, she was with her friend Curtis Interruptus. 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783

  • Arsenetatters
    Arsenetatters Posts: 5,974

    Which famous person does this duck remind you of?

  • Which famous person does this duck remind you of?
    Oh no. Please no.
  • Fumbluff
    Fumbluff Posts: 10,126

    Which famous person does this duck remind you of?
    Eddie the Eagle?
  • Fumbluff said:

    Which famous person does this duck remind you of?
    Eddie the Eagle?
    More tiresome jokes :smile:
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,598
    Fumbluff said:

    Which famous person does this duck remind you of?
    Eddie the Eagle?
    Eddie Skid 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783
    The family's just found out our grandad's addicted to Viagra.

    Nobody's taking it harder than our nan.
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,104

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,783

    Tesla factory in Berlin.