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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
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I knew a farmer who fed his pregnant pig marmite.Last week she had 12 twiglets.8
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SuedeAdidas said:0
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Arsenetatters said:SuedeAdidas said:
I don't watch anything he's been on but with all the advertising of future programmes it's impossible to escape him.
Campo Gino robbed Paul Young's London flat when he was 21 and stole two Guitars worth 4k and other items.
Why wasn't the scumbag deported ?
That is a JOKE but I'm not surprised.
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Arsenetatters said:SuedeAdidas said:1
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I just won an award for being the most secretive guy at work
I cant tell you how much this means6 -
I went to the Pharmacy and asked to buy some condoms.
Cashier says: "Just a minute"
"Yeah I think thats the name of the brand" I replied2 - Sponsored links:
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AddicksAddict said:4
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You are accused of witchcraft, in that you did turn our magistrate into a toad. How do you plead?Not guilty. I actually meant to turn him into a turd.Then mayhap you should have used spellcheck.0
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My wife said to me: "You havent heard a word I've just said have you"
I thought it was a really strange way to start a conversation
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poker face...
----Just watched legally blonde and my girlfriend asked if I’d fuck Reece Witherspoon
Not sure why I'd use a spoon though!!6 -
ForeverAddickted said:My wife said to me: "You havent heard a word I've just said have you"
I thought it was a really strange way to start a conversation...3 -
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
...I remind myself to not always trust Google maps.5 -
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?He laid awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.5
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Why do dentists refuse to treat grizzlies unless they're heavily sedated?
Because there's safety in numb bears.7 -
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I hate Russian dolls.
Little bastards are full of themselves.12 - Sponsored links:
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When I was in school, and we were doing the letter of the day, and this day was the letter 'N'. I was mucking about in class, as usual, and the teacher said to me "Why don't you tell the rest of the class something you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I said "Spelling."
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What did Hannibal say when he saw his elephants coming over the mountains after a very hard slog?
He said "Look there are my lovely elephants".
But what did he say when he saw them come over the
mountains with sunglasses on?...........Nothing because he didn't recognise them.
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How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question, they only use gas lighting.
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PERSON A: What do you do for a living?PERSON B: I hunt and kill aliens.
A: What? Aliens don't exist!
B: Have you never seen one?
A: No.
B: You're welcome!3 -
How can you tell when an elephant’s been in your fridge?There are elephant footprints in the butter.0
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No, I rest my case.0 -
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So the can hide upside down in a bowl of custard.2 -
Thought about seeing Oppenheimer at the cinema when it came out, stood in line even... But then I heard it was three hours long, not to mention I was starving.
So went to the Barbie-Queue instead1