Attention: Please take a moment to consider our terms and conditions before posting.

Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

12357…26

Comments

  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,766
    seth plum said:
    Why do Geordies like shopping at budget German supermarkets?

    Because they’re open Aldi
    That made me laugh a Lidl 
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    Had a very strange night down the pub last night . I’d only been there five minutes when this fella walked in with a Prawn Cocktail on his head and that was just for starters.
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I hate elevator music .. It's wrong on so many levels.
  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,286
    What does Santa call it when he gets stuck in a chimney?

    Claustrophobic
  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,286
    Whats worse than waking up having been drunk to find a dick drawn on your face... Finding out that it was traced
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    Mrs P has just texted me to say she’s leaving because I’m "so condescending.”

    To be honest, I was surprised she could even spell it!
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I'm writing a book about a zombie darts player who lives in the Caribbean. 

    'One undead in Haiti' is the working title.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    What did the cockney say when his third child was born second?

    "You're out of order son."
  • Sponsored links:



  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    The tuba is a relatively recent instrument, its predecessor was the oneba.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    My friends are shocked when they find out I’m not an electrician…
  • Solidgone
    Solidgone Posts: 10,203
    Bring back the jokes thread! 🤓
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,543
    What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me.
  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,177

  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks.

    We won 5-4 on aggregate
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I organised an exhibition of paintings and sculptures, in order to raise money for the legal fund of my friend Arthur. It was art for Art’s sake.
  • Sponsored links:



  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I applied to adopt a horse but the council rejected me.

    They said I couldn't offer a stable environment.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    How much does a rainbow weigh?



    I don’t know but it’s pretty light.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I was just on my way back from the shops and I prevented a kidnapping!

    There he was just dozing off in his little pram, so I prodded him and said "Oi you wake up!"
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I just found out my wife's laptop password is MickeyMiniDonaldHueyLouieDeweyPlutoGoofyDublin.
    I asked her why it was so long and she said it had to be eight characters and a capital.
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    This Christmas, Santa has retired Rudolph from guiding his sleigh. It will now be Olive..... you know, the other Reindeer.
    🦌
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    _MrDick said:
    This Christmas, Santa has retired Rudolph from guiding his sleigh. It will now be Olive..... you know, the other Reindeer.
    🦌
    eh?
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,956
    Olive the other reindeer
    Used to laugh and call him names...

    I got it, but I didn't laugh  :|
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    edited December 2024
    IdleHans said:
    Olive the other reindeer
    Used to laugh and call him names...

    I got it, but I didn't laugh  :|
    I didn't get it, now I do and I just feel a bit sad- for shame _MrDick :(

Categories

“Marketplace”