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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • Sillybilly
    Sillybilly Posts: 9,234
    The guy who invented predictive text died last week. His funfair is next Monkey.  
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    stonemuse said:

    Rich, coming from a Reform supporter.
  • Uboat
    Uboat Posts: 12,194

  • jimmymelrose
    jimmymelrose Posts: 9,738
    Sillybilly said:
    Just paid £1 to out air in my tyres. It used to be 20p

    Thats inflation for you!
    If you ’out’ air, that’s deflation.
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    Uboat said:

    I don't know why that's funny but it is.
  • Dippenhall
    Dippenhall Posts: 3,918
    Doctor- Big breaths
    Girl - Yeth and I’m only thicksteen 
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    Dippenhall said:
    Doctor- Big breaths
    Girl - Yeth and I’m only thicksteen 
    Carry on Doctor 1967!!- is this a record!
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    Who’s the coolest person in the hospital?

    The ultrasound radiograpgher.

    Who is the coolest person when the ultrasound radiograpgher is away?

    The hip replacement surgeon.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    Would anyone who believes in psychokinesis please raise my hand?
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  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101

  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217
    A mother-in-law stopped by the recently married couple’s house unexpectedly. She rang the doorbell and stepped inside, where she saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
    “What are you doing?” she asked.
    “I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.
    “But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.
    “This is my Love Dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.
    “Love Dress? But you’re naked!”
    “My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy, and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.” The mother-in-law, tired of all this romantic talk, left.
    On the way home, she thought about the Love Dress. When she got home, she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, and waited by the front door.
    Finally, her husband got home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
    “What are you doing?” he exclaimed.
    “This is my Love Dress,” she replied.
    “Needs ironing,” he said.
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    _MrDick said:

    I got stopped by the police.  They asked if I had a police record.  I said "Outlandos D'Amour".  One copper turned to the other and said "Another fecking immigrant".
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,212
    edited October 2024
    Asked a girlfriend once if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz.

    'No' she said 'but I've been swung round by the tits a few times'.
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I took my girlfriend out for our anniversary dinner last night and she kept saying she wanted to pay for the meal.

    I said, "Don't be daft.. we're halfway down the road now - just keep running!"
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    limeygent said:

    harsh but fair!
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,007
    limeygent said:

    Surely for golfers that would be a good thing; they'd be two under par.
  • Uboat
    Uboat Posts: 12,194
    edited October 2024


    Not a joke as such, but certainly made me laugh. 
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  • 3G
    3G Posts: 729
    My mate quit his job at BMW today. 

    He gave no indication he was leaving 
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,803

  • eaststandmike
    eaststandmike Posts: 14,956
    edited October 2024
    My wife is worried about my addiction with drinking brake fluid 

    I told her I can stop at anytime 
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,543
    No it’s here - https://forum.charltonlife.com/discussion/98267/next-england-manager-thomas-tuchel#latest
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    limeygent said:

    would have been better if he had said "yes but its not a Porch, its a Paw-shuh".
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I was In a cafe and my phone kept receiving pictures of stews & casseroles…

    Then it dawned on me - I was connected to a wireless hotpot!
  • Blackheathen
    Blackheathen Posts: 6,655
    A father, passing through his son’s uni town late one night on a business trip, thinks he will pay a surprise visit to his boy.  Arriving at the college, he knocks on the door.  After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifts down from a second floor window.

    ”Whattya want?”

    ”Does Billy Smith live here?” asks the Father.

    ”Yeah!’ Replies the voice.  “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning”
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I lost my head this morning. Two idiots urinating near my car, until I realised they worked for wee by any car

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