Attention: Please take a moment to consider our terms and conditions before posting.

Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

1246726

Comments

  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217

  • This sign has appeared in Dunedin airport NZ.  It is to do with drop off times ...


  • cafcfan
    cafcfan Posts: 11,197
    This sign has appeared in Dunedin airport NZ.  It is to do with drop off times ...


    They can be very "to the point" in New Zealand. The sat navs are hilarious. They get really tetchy if you miss a turning. They also come up with phrases like "You have reached your destination, time for a steak and cheese pie." Or "put on your jandles and head to the beach".
  • cafcfan said:
    This sign has appeared in Dunedin airport NZ.  It is to do with drop off times ...


    They can be very "to the point" in New Zealand. The sat navs are hilarious. They get really tetchy if you miss a turning. They also come up with phrases like "You have reached your destination, time for a steak and cheese pie." Or "put on your jandles and head to the beach".
    They are more direct at Leeds Airport as Yorkshire folk are. Three minutes - get thee awt. Any longer: get a blooming hotel.
  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,543
    what do farmers feed their cows for breakfast?

    mooesli
  • Foxycafc
    Foxycafc Posts: 1,208
    Last Christmas, the lesbian couple next door got me a brand new Rolex!

    I think they misunderstood when I told them “I wanna watch”
  • cafcdave123
    cafcdave123 Posts: 11,491


  • I got a lovely compliment the other day, some woman shouted BARGAIN at me.

    I turned around, and said... "That means a great deal"
  • Sponsored links:



  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,956
    I got a lovely compliment the other day, some woman shouted PLETHORA at me.

    I turned around, and said... "That means a lot"

  • I wonder if FA has any others up his sleeve
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,818
    Why is there only one word for thesaurus? 
  • I wonder if FA has any others up his sleeve
    The Grass in my garden disappeared over night... the first I knew of it, was because the birds were looking forlorn.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    Looking at the famous bridge north of Edinburgh was told they have a revolutionary new paint that allows you to put on several years' worth of coats in one go. Now they go to the Forth and multi-apply.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I was crossing the road in London, and walking along side me was Nigel Farage. Suddenly, a white van comes out of nowhere and it very nearly hits him.

    I thought, Jesus that could have been me. I can drive a van.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    The best thing about Switzerland is the flag.

    OK, maybe it's not the absolute best thing, but it's a big plus.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    edited November 2024
    Made a big mistake at the dentist the other day. He said 'spit it out' so I told him I've been bonking his wife.
  • clive
    clive Posts: 19,429
    Glass coffins
    Will they catch on?

    Remains to be seen.
  • Sponsored links:



  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,818
    Tampax a releasing a tampon with a piece of tinsel instead of a string. 

    Just for the Christmas period. 
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    Just had a train run over my foot .. probably my own fault for wearing platforms.
  • As Ephraim Zimbalist junior said to Ephraim Zimbalist senior: „ain‘t you got any fucking imagination, Dad?“.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    This weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drizzul, thundar, lightening, tawnaydoze and eye tydes. The tempritures will forl bellow freesing in sum playsiss and the strong wynds will make it feel much coalder.

    Yes, it's a really bad spell of whether.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    Why do Geordies like shopping at budget German supermarkets?

    Because they’re open Aldi
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    Just went to get a coffee and it started to laugh at me. 

    It was a mocha.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I ordered a coffee but all I got was a cup with a small monkey in it. 

    It was a capuchino.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    I’m bald but I still own a comb. I just can’t part with it.
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217