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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
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I was gutted when my Wife got home from work, pointed at my Son and said he's not yours - Seems I should have been paying more attention during the School Run.10
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I have three Girlfriends... Emma, Jane... Ari0
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I was reading about when Santander took over Abbey National. To be fair, nobody was expecting a Spanish acquisition5
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Not a joke as such but I thought I'd share this typo from my local community magazine:
"...I am pleased to report that Chelmsford City Council have cleared the pedestrian ramp by the car park of vegetarians and will now continue to maintain this area as it is an adopted highway."
@seth plum - careful if you should visit Essex, it's a dangerous place!6 -
Before the internet, most people thought villages had one idiot. Did we get that wrong.1
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https://www.reuters.com/business/autos-transportation/tesla-recalls-380000-vehicles-us-over-power-steering-issue-2025-02-21
Tesla recalls vehicles for steering problem - they drift far over to the right.5 -
My friend David was the victim of ID theft.
He's called Dav now15 -
How does a Chocolate bar laugh?
It Snickers2 -
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As I get older I remember all the people I lost over the years.
Damn looking back I was a terrible tour guide8 -
Two women are playing golf.
They play the first hole, then as they move on to the second, one of the women gets hit by a ball and keels over. The other woman panics and runs into the clubhouse screaming for a doctor. Up stands a doctor and enquires where she was hit. "Between the first hole and the second" cries the woman. The doctor shakes his head and says, "Well that doesn't leave much room for a plaster".13 -
What do you call a chicken which stares at lettuce?Chicken Caesar salad4
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My uncle, the heart surgeon, said something very similar.ForeverAddickted said:As I get older I remember all the people I lost over the years.
Damn looking back I was a terrible tour guide2 -
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The cashier said "Strip down, facing me".
By the time I realised she was talking about my debit card, it was too late.7 -
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Massages are like Fairy Tales... They're better with a happy ending0
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Guy goes to church to confess“Forgive me father, for I have sinned”, says the man: “I stole a car. As redemption, I am willing to give the car to you”Father says: “that’s ok kid. God will forgive you. But I wouldn’t want that car. You should give it back to the owner instead”.“But the owner said he doesn’t want it”, says the man.“In that case”, says the Father: “You may keep that car”.The man thanks the Father and leaves.Later in the evening, the man receives a phone call from the Father “motherfucker did you steal my car?”7
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home.She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.”I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”0
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I'm unhappy about that Oxford comma. Consider yourself judged.AddicksAddict said:3 -
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What is far worse is the inaccuracy of the last sentence.IdleHans said:
I'm unhappy about that Oxford comma. Consider yourself judged.AddicksAddict said:0 -
AddicksAddict said:
What is far worse is the inaccuracy of the last sentence.IdleHans said:
I'm unhappy about that Oxford comma. Consider yourself judged.AddicksAddict said:Not necessarily. Puppies die all the time, people use apostrophes to make a word plural all the time. There may not be cause and effect, but it could be true by coincidence.Unlikely though, I grant you.
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A Street Preacher shouted at me "JESUS WAS THE SAVIOUR OF THE HUMAN RACE."I shouted back "I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT WAS LILY THE PINK"!!12
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I'll drink a drink to that._MrDick said:A Street Preacher shouted at me "JESUS WAS THE SAVIOUR OF THE HUMAN RACE."I shouted back "I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT WAS LILY THE PINK"!!5 -
You make the same mistake the creator of the caption did. You don't use an apostrophe to make a word plural, you typically add an 's', occasionally an 'x', in one instance an 'n', sometimes a change of letter. Using an apostrophe whilst making a word plural is the error.IdleHans said:AddicksAddict said:
What is far worse is the inaccuracy of the last sentence.IdleHans said:
I'm unhappy about that Oxford comma. Consider yourself judged.AddicksAddict said:Not necessarily. Puppies die all the time, people use apostrophes to make a word plural all the time. There may not be cause and effect, but it could be true by coincidence.Unlikely though, I grant you.0 -
You're right. I could have expressed it better.AddicksAddict said:
You make the same mistake the creator of the caption did. You don't use an apostrophe to make a word plural, you typically add an 's', occasionally an 'x', in one instance an 'n', sometimes a change of letter. Using an apostrophe whilst making a word plural is the error.IdleHans said:AddicksAddict said:
What is far worse is the inaccuracy of the last sentence.IdleHans said:
I'm unhappy about that Oxford comma. Consider yourself judged.AddicksAddict said:Not necessarily. Puppies die all the time, people use apostrophes to make a word plural all the time. There may not be cause and effect, but it could be true by coincidence.Unlikely though, I grant you.
It used to annoy me but now it amuse's me4
