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A Bonkers Statement from Club - the infamous {...} one

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  • cabbles said:

    Tomorrows email brought forward in light of club statement

    Club Statement

    Dear Katrien,

    In light of tonight's club statement I have had to bring my daily email forward a few hours. Yes that's 2 emails from me in one day. May I also add that this statement has come at a very inconvenient time. It is during the late evening hours of the night that I am furiously swiping right on Tinder, winking at posh totty on the Inner Circle, and wincing at some of the winks I get on match.com (I'm not lying, I will show you when we finally get to meet).

    Anyway, I'm speechless, actually no, that's not right, this is an email, I'm....what's the correct term here, what's the speechless equivalent when writing an email. I'll come back to that.

    Are you okay? Is Roland okay? Have you been out on the lash? Has Roland just done a few lines of condensed milk, got charged and thought he'd tell it like it is (or how he sees it)?

    That statement is probably one of the greatest pieces of literature in the history of not only Charlton Athletic, not only football, but of all the ancients texts and classics the world over. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Confucius, Marx, Luther King and Cliff Richard couldn't have penned something as magnanimous or as insightful as that if they all combined their mighty intellect twenty times over.....

    Where did you come up with it? Who came up with it? Why did they come up with it? Who said it was a good idea to run with it?

    The content????? Why are the club claiming Roland has met with the fans? Neither you nor Roland got back to me about my invitation for dinner at an award winning Thai restaurant. No one got back to me about 'Rolling with Roland', my film dedicated to our leader. When I offered to take Roland with us on the coach to Sheff Wed on Saturday, here we are, 3 days away, nothing, zero, zip, nilch, nadda. I was going to sit Roland next to the 31 year man. I was going to buy Roland a coffee from a Costa at a services. Have you ever bought a coffee from a motorway service station? Minimum price a small deposit on a house!!!! Newport Pagnell, Leicester Forest East, it doesn't matter. It's expensive. I had my legal team writing to the Eagles to ask to use the rights to 'Life in the fast lane' as Roland sits on the coach, the camera panning round his head. I was going to sell my father's mug and programme collection to finance this venture in case the British Film Council didn't see the potential.

    Roland never met with me. You can't release a statement saying Roland has met with the fans. The trip for 5 lucky winners to go to Roland's half baked football factory hasn't even happened yet. You've jumped the gun.

    Please issue a retraction immediately and go back to ignoring the protests, it's just 2% of our fan base, a few idiots, nothing to worry about.

    I'm off to bed now. By the time I wake up I want to imagine this is all just a bad dream and we can get back to focusing on the important things like target 20k and more sofas.

    Good night

    Sent from my iPhone

    That is one of your best ones yet!

    I hope you will publish your efforts in a book when these clowns finally leave town.
    Henry Irving should have a museum exhibition of them, alongside tonight's statement. And all the other inane regime statements.
  • edited March 2016
    This is all just a weird dream right?

    image
  • Halix said:

    I think this may be KM's work.

    I was invited to the Training Ground today along with other hospitality customers. We were accompanied by the Senior Management team and prior to the tour we had a chance to put some questions to KM. I don't think she was expecting it and seemed a bit rattled that about half of us were asking questions that she didn't like.

    I had hoped that there would have been a Q & A session with the SMT at the end, but that was with JJ, Ademola & Alou Diarra.

    As we were leaving I went up to her on my own and took the opportunity to ask her if she was going to respond to CARD's statement and whether they would be meeting the Trust. During that conversation she said to me that Roland had met with some fans. I thought nothing of that at the time, but for it to appear in the 'statement' tonight seems a bit of a coincidence.

    That's interesting. Joking aside, who on earth could those fans have been? How would they have been got together, when he only visited for a few hours on a non matchday.



    His cabby from London City airport to the Valley and back, but he quickly changed the subject and asked how the traffic has been.
    No he supports Spurs. Or am I getting confused...
  • cabbles said:

    Tomorrows email brought forward in light of club statement

    Club Statement

    Dear Katrien,

    In light of tonight's club statement I have had to bring my daily email forward a few hours. Yes that's 2 emails from me in one day. May I also add that this statement has come at a very inconvenient time. It is during the late evening hours of the night that I am furiously swiping right on Tinder, winking at posh totty on the Inner Circle, and wincing at some of the winks I get on match.com (I'm not lying, I will show you when we finally get to meet).

    Anyway, I'm speechless, actually no, that's not right, this is an email, I'm....what's the correct term here, what's the speechless equivalent when writing an email. I'll come back to that.

    Are you okay? Is Roland okay? Have you been out on the lash? Has Roland just done a few lines of condensed milk, got charged and thought he'd tell it like it is (or how he sees it)?

    That statement is probably one of the greatest pieces of literature in the history of not only Charlton Athletic, not only football, but of all the ancients texts and classics the world over. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Confucius, Marx, Luther King and Cliff Richard couldn't have penned something as magnanimous or as insightful as that if they all combined their mighty intellect twenty times over.....

    Where did you come up with it? Who came up with it? Why did they come up with it? Who said it was a good idea to run with it?

    The content????? Why are the club claiming Roland has met with the fans? Neither you nor Roland got back to me about my invitation for dinner at an award winning Thai restaurant. No one got back to me about 'Rolling with Roland', my film dedicated to our leader. When I offered to take Roland with us on the coach to Sheff Wed on Saturday, here we are, 3 days away, nothing, zero, zip, nilch, nadda. I was going to sit Roland next to the 31 year man. I was going to buy Roland a coffee from a Costa at a services. Have you ever bought a coffee from a motorway service station? Minimum price a small deposit on a house!!!! Newport Pagnell, Leicester Forest East, it doesn't matter. It's expensive. I had my legal team writing to the Eagles to ask to use the rights to 'Life in the fast lane' as Roland sits on the coach, the camera panning round his head. I was going to sell my father's mug and programme collection to finance this venture in case the British Film Council didn't see the potential.

    Roland never met with me. You can't release a statement saying Roland has met with the fans. The trip for 5 lucky winners to go to Roland's half baked football factory hasn't even happened yet. You've jumped the gun.

    Please issue a retraction immediately and go back to ignoring the protests, it's just 2% of our fan base, a few idiots, nothing to worry about.

    I'm off to bed now. By the time I wake up I want to imagine this is all just a bad dream and we can get back to focusing on the important things like target 20k and more sofas.

    Good night

    Sent from my iPhone

    Comedy gold. Top work @cabbles
  • Further to my earlier post - did the clubs new Comms manager have any input into this debacle today......my personal opinion is that she must have - so just weeks after her meeting supporters at a branch event, it appears that she has been brainwashed by KM that what she says goes. ......

    Yes however I don't think it meant " what she says goes.... on the OS"
    Yep your probably right......
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  • Wow beyond parody. Talk about self destruct!
  • Talksport have just tweeted the press release
  • Media reports think the last par is part of the statement and not attempted clarification of what KM said in Dublin. Another PR own goal. You couldn't make it up.

    Absolute genius isn't it.
  • edited March 2016

    Media reports think the last par is part of the statement and not attempted clarification of what KM said in Dublin. Another PR own goal. You couldn't make it up.

    But.. But... If something backfires from something backfiring what way does it actually fire?!

    This is like the inception of balls ups.
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  • rikofold said:

    seth plum said:

    I want to know the particulars?
    The Charlton comms 'team' at Ebbsfleet is Olly presumably, and likely as not Louis was sitting next to him as the button was pushed or whatever.
    Does that mean that we have Olly, updating on the Kent Cup, getting urgent instructions on his email or phone to upload a statement about to arrive in his inbox onto the club website.
    Is that how it works?
    Or was it Mel who was doing it as she was at the match?

    Doesn't matter who it was that did it? Let's not play detective - the criminal is not the poster but the author.
    When I wrote that I was still partially in 'it must be a spoof' land.
  • edited March 2016
    LuckyReds said:



    Exactly Seth.

    I dread to think what her days become, you could even argue that todays announcement of the new email address was purely to remove the strain on her own personal inbox.

    If Katrien did post this I'm still blaming Roland. I may not see eye to eye with her but she deserves some care from Roland now. He's potentially destroying his own assistant now.

    It's weird, but this statement is the first time I've genuinely wanted to reach out to her - not about football, but about life. She needs to realize this is just a job for her, she deserves better than to be Roland's personal human shield and she most likely needs recovery time.

    Resign Katrien, please.


    (Waits for the impending "hah gaaaayyyyy" gif!)

    This moments of humanity make me really proud to be Charlton. To be honest as the evening has gone on I've started feeling sorry for whoever did this. They must be so lost and so angry.
  • edited March 2016
    .
  • Off to sleep, but with over 500 posts in less than 90 minutes the reaction has been swift and decisive. Expecting casualties tomorrow. Time to up the ante.
  • Rob7Lee said:

    Louis Mendez ‏@LouisMend 54s55 seconds ago Gravesend, South East
    Louis Mendez Retweeted James Windham
    It's not fake. I'm in the press box at a Charlton U21 game and watched it get published #cafc

    That poor media relations lady, even she must realise what a numpty she's now working for....... and just after she's set up a new email address!

    It seriously looked like a drunk fan has hacked the website, I'm gobsmacked.
    I am truly and genuinely shocked and the belated attempt to rectify the 'customer' mistake at this stage?
    Even having been told its not fake I still can't quite believe that a 'business' which is what it purports to be, would allow this unfettered rant with its incredible PS to be published. Not only Katrien Meire's position but surely that also now of Mel Baroni must be untenable. This is melt down stuff!!!!!
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Roland Out Forever!