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General things that Annoy you

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  • Oh_Yoni_Boy
    Oh_Yoni_Boy Posts: 1,762
    An alternative to sugar tax is having a turnstile to get to all the cakes, and pies, and fizzy pop and other tasty unhealthy bits.

    Until you can fit through that turnstile and prove that you can eat responsibly - I'm afraid you're stuck in the vegetable and skinless chicken breast section, mate. You could even have a turnstile for each aisle, appropriately sized by the healthiness of the produce in it.

    Those Boditrax machines could be used at airports and kilos of fat can be subtracted from your baggage allowance.

    Vote Yoni.
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 51,995
    Carter said:

    buckshee said:

    Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.

    Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.

    When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.

    Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"

    Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
    If toilet functions are mentioned on CL, rest assured Carter will arrive within minutes.
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,243

    Carter said:

    buckshee said:

    Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.

    Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.

    When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.

    Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"

    Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
    If toilet functions are mentioned on CL, rest assured Carter will arrive within minutes.
    On the plus side, I steer clear of the politics stuff. I know where I am with toilet-based talk. We all do

    I really can't do justice to how appalling this act of terror at Gatwick north terminal was. It made my eyes water from the dry retching I did. My only positive thought about that movement was at least they didn't do that on the plane. No doubt about it we would not have made it to our destination if they had done that in an airline toilet
  • buckshee
    buckshee Posts: 7,867
    Carter said:

    buckshee said:

    Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.

    Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.

    When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.

    Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"

    Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
    Clackett and Thurrock are two of the worst and guess what? They’re both Moto.
  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,153
    "Waterless Toilet Systems".

    You can always tell when you are in a khazi that uses a "Waterless Toilet System".

    It stinks of piss...
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    The bogs on the m6 (Stafford) are the scene of a daily competition between lorry drivers to demonstrate who has the worst diet. In the end I had to drive, fully crowning, to the next services, due to the eggy forcefield keeping me from the cubicle
  • unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
  • I once had to exhibit at a show in Amman, Jordan and the toilets were something else. It was designed as a big wet room due to the proclivity to wash as opposed to wipe. So come 09.30 there was already an inch of 'waste water' on the floor and a poor chap whose job it was to squeegee this down a 10cm² grate.

    He was fighting a losing battle as you can imagine, so the smell built and built over the day, as the heat got up to a balmy 35 degrees. By the end the entire exhibition hall was a steam oven, moistened by the nugget rinse.
  • SheffieldRed
    SheffieldRed Posts: 3,772

    Never thought I would write this but @Carter has a rival in the defecation based stories.
  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,153
    edited October 2018

    unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.

    Was it the clothes, the music or just the general Scottishness of it all that annoyed you, KmB? :smiley:
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  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,599

    unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.

    Maybe it was high (or low) road rage
  • JaShea99
    JaShea99 Posts: 5,458

    When people say "....So she turned around and said...."

    Why the 'turned around' bit? Everyone does it !! Why?

    I believe the correct spelling is ‘turnt’. Get it right.
  • unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.

    Was it the clothes, the music or just the general Scottishness of it all that annoyed you, KmB? :smiley:
    all of the above
  • unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.

    If you are referring to the one on the south bound side of the a21 that place is like a setting out of a b movie horror film from the fleeting glances I had driving past.
  • i_b_b_o_r_g
    i_b_b_o_r_g Posts: 18,948
    My uncle sending a constant stream of out of date jokes etc. on his newly discovered WhatAp
  • Anal Blitzkrieg is either an album title or a porno, which one is it?
  • unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.

    If you are referring to the one on the south bound side of the a21 that place is like a setting out of a b movie horror film from the fleeting glances I had driving past.
    yep that's the one. A little bit of Scotland down south.
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,966
    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.
  • sillav nitram
    sillav nitram Posts: 10,164
    Some people’s obsession with Royalty/Celebrity weddings/births, it’s just a f.cking wedding and another baby!
  • cafcdave123
    cafcdave123 Posts: 11,491
    IdleHans said:

    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.

    I use the ones out the pound shop at the top of Bexleyheath and they work/last fine
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  • golfaddick
    golfaddick Posts: 33,627
    Stand-in DJ's / radio presenters.

    Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.

    Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.

    (This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......

    I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.
  • eaststandmike
    eaststandmike Posts: 14,956
    IdleHans said:

    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.

    Its cabbles for fucks sake, stop picking on him!!!
  • Dazzler21
    Dazzler21 Posts: 51,344
    IdleHans said:

    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.

    Apple?
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 51,995
    IdleHans said:

    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.

    Mine outlast the phones. What do you do to them ?
  • Dazzler21
    Dazzler21 Posts: 51,344

    IdleHans said:

    Phone charger cables that don't last a month. Which seems to be just about all of them.

    Mine outlast the phones. What do you do to them ?
    Usb Mini/type C
  • buckshee
    buckshee Posts: 7,867
    The Mrs has bought different washing liquid for the clothes, it smells like muc-off chain cleaner.
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    The London transport system to go tits up the day I need to be somewhere urgently
  • Stand-in DJ's / radio presenters.

    Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.

    Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.

    (This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......

    I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.

    Yep,when he came on I went to absolute 80s......otherwise the brushes and roller would be in the van very early
  • buckshee
    buckshee Posts: 7,867

    Stand-in DJ's / radio presenters.

    Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.

    Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.

    (This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......

    I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.

    Yep,when he came on I went to absolute 80s......otherwise the brushes and roller would be in the van very early
    Rather him than Steve Wright pumping out the same old shitty jokes he was doing thirty years ago and more.
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,599
    Wasn’t someone who worked for the company who were part of this f*****g disgusting deal trying to defend it on here a while ago?
This discussion has been closed.