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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
Comments
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Has the jokes thread disappearedNo, you’ll find them on the pitch every Saturday and some Tuesday’s.5
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An Arsenal fan and a Tottenham fan went into a travel agents, “we are looking for a holiday on the south coast, where would you recommend"?
"Well" says the travel agent, “you can’t beat Bournemouth"!
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The line 'all of the other reindeer' sounds like 'Olive the other reindeer'.1
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Only if Loyd Grossman says it.iaitch said:The line 'all of the other reindeer' sounds like 'Olive the other reindeer'.1 -
Santa has been reading your letters all year.Most of you are getting dictionaries.5
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Next name that hen will be Lloyd Grossman!Arsenetatters said:
Only if Loyd Grossman says it.iaitch said:The line 'all of the other reindeer' sounds like 'Olive the other reindeer'.1 -
Mate of mine finished his medical training a couple of months ago and secured his first appointment - but has just been struck off for unprofessional conduct. Apparently he had sex with one of his patients.Seven years training for his dream job has all been wasted. He's a really nice guy as well, and a brilliant vet.11
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A rabbi, a Buddhist monk and a politician are on a hiking holiday. The first day's hike goes well, but, as the evening draws closer, the light begins to fade, the fog descends and they realise they are lost with no chance of finding their resting place for the night. Luckily, they spot a light on, in a house at the top of a hill and make their way there. It's a farm. They knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can stay the night.
The farmer apologises, explaining that his house is full. But he tells them he has two outbuildings they can use. One is a cottage with two beds, the other is a barn. The three hikers make their way to the cottage.
The Buddhist monk volunteers to stay in the barn. He wishes the other two a peaceful night's sleep and leaves the cottage, heading to the barn. After a couple of minutes, there's a knock at the door. It's the Buddhist monk. He apologises to the other two and explains: "I can't sleep in that barn. There's a cow in there. Cows hold a special, sacred place in my religion and I am therefore unable to spend the night in there. I am so sorry".
The rabbi and the politician look at each other. The rabbi immediately says "well, I don't mind spending the night in the barn. You two can sleep in here in the cottage. Sleep well, I will see you in the morning". And he heads to the barn. After a couple of minutes, there's a knock at the door. It's the rabbi. He apologises and explains: "I can't sleep in that barn. There's a pig in there. Pigs hold a special place in my religion and it means I cannot spend the night in there. I am so sorry".
There is a tense stand-off. Eventually the politician agrees to sleep in the barn. He says, "I will sacrifice my night's sleep, but I do so on one condition. I want you both to tell everyone you know what a great, selfless, kind sacrifice I am making for you". He heads to the barn. A couple of minutes later, there's a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.10 - Sponsored links:
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.3 -
When that didn’t work, he used logs.Stig said:Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.3 -
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I've decided to form a choir this Christmas. Anyone wanting to join will be welcome.So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.......17
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Mate, that’s awful!_MrDick said:I've decided to form a choir this Christmas. Anyone wanting to join will be welcome.So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.......4 -
I thought my TV had gone wrong because it was putting out a strange but nice smell.Then I realised I was watching channel number 5.5
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I went to the local deli yesterday and ordered a nice herby salad.Disappointingly I had to send it back as there was a beetle in it.3
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Two guys see a man kneeling in front of a grave stone, talking to himself and crying:"Why did you die?""Why did you die?""My life was perfect until you died""I'd wake up in the morning, smiles on my face""Waiting for another day""I was so happy and then it all went black""My life everyday is hell""Sometimes I wish I was dead myself""Why did you die, why did you die?"One of the two guys says "Who was he, bud?"The crying man replies:"My wife's first husband".11
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My wife got home, and started looking around for her vibrator... For some reason she asked me if I'd seen it
Had to tell her: "N-n-n-n-o i-i-idea l-l-luv"1 - Sponsored links:
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Nathan Jones.2
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Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming sausage and cheese shortage.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
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I saw a Farmer painting stripes on his sheep.
I think they must be baaaaa codes ...
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What was Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?
HAND-EEEEEEEYYEEEE
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A man tells the waiter he's not sure what to order. The waiter says "What about the duck?" The duck replies "I'll have the lasagne".
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Somebody said to me "What starts with F and ends with K". I said "No it doesn't."
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My wife called me a Sex Machine this morning... Well her exact words were "a fucking tool"
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Clickbait book titles:
Fifty Mind-blowing Shades of Grey (No. 7 is EPIC)
Nobody Can Figure Out Where Wally Is, and It’s Driving Them CRAZY
What Got Oliver in Such a Twist?
Every Single Year of Solitude, Definitively Ranked
You Simply Won’t Believe How Hungry This Caterpillar Is
How Gatsby Went from Good to Great in 5 Easy Steps
If You Thought the Crime was Bad, Just Wait 'till You See the Punishment.
NOTHING Can Ever Prepare You for What All This Ado is About
He Asked for More and What Happened Next Will Leave You in Tears
Grinches Use these 5 Tricks to Steal Christmas (and Number 4 is INSANE!)
Nobody Has Ever Dared Talk About this Secret Club! Until Now...
Bluesky thread:
https://bsky.app/profile/adamcsharp.bsky.social/post/3ldj5dtfsxk2b3 -
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