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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
Comments
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One from Bluesky
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A priest, a rabbit, and a mullah walk into a bar. The priest asks “What will you have?”, the mullah asks for an orange juice and the rabbit says “No idea, I’m only here because of autocorrect”.7
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A tourist ordering a meal in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
- Excuse me, but can you tell me how to pronounce the name of this place?
- Sure. It's pronounced Burr-Gerr-King.1 -
Swindon_Addick said:A tourist ordering a meal in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
- Excuse me, but can you tell me how to pronounce the name of this place?
- Sure. It's pronounced Burr-Gerr-King.
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If thieves wear sneakers, and artists wear Sketchers, should speech writers wear Converse?2
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A Blond, A Brunette, and a Redhead are walking down the street
The brunette says "Look over there! That guy has like 2 dozen roses in his hand!" The redhead says "OMG, that's my husband! I'm gonna have my legs in the air for a week!" The blond says "Why don't you buy a vase?"6 -
I am told this is a true story.
A Yeoman Warder was conducting a tour of the Tower of London.
As usual the group he escorting was made up of several nationalities. A majority of the group hailed from the USA, and his “killer “ line was “If it wasn’t for the English you would be speaking French or Spanish” normally met a chuckle from the group, however a quick witted American response was,
”And if it wasn’t for the US, you would be speaking German or Russian”!1 -
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There was an English cat named OneTwoThree and a French cat named UnDeuxTrois in a sinking boatThe OneTwoThree cat swam to safety but the UnDeuxTroi cat sank.4
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Did you hear they found a mummy in Egypt that was covered with chocolate and nuts?It was Pharaoh Roche14
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I hope he's still chained to the wall in the Bloody Tower.usetobunkin said:I am told this is a true story.
A Yeoman Warder was conducting a tour of the Tower of London.
As usual the group he escorting was made up of several nationalities. A majority of the group hailed from the USA, and his “killer “ line was “If it wasn’t for the English you would be speaking French or Spanish” normally met a chuckle from the group, however a quick witted American response was,
”And if it wasn’t for the US, you would be speaking German or Russian”!1 -
If OneTwoThree swam to safety it was probably Turkish, a Van, not English.ForeverAddickted said:There was an English cat named OneTwoThree and a French cat named UnDeuxTrois in a sinking boatThe OneTwoThree cat swam to safety but the UnDeuxTroi cat sank.0 -
Knock Knock
Who's there
Dishes
Dishes who
Dishes Sean Connery1 -
Son: Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Well son, it’s an anagram of Easter and we know how much your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks Dad
Dad: Don’t mention it, Alan17 -
My wife joined a support group for women who talk too much....It's called "On Anonanonanon."3
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I’m awful at anagrams and this took ages. My Dad’s name is Alan and I’ve been trying to work out one with my own name._MrDick said:Son: Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Well son, it’s an anagram of Easter and we know how much your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks Dad
Dad: Don’t mention it, Alan6 -
My toilet asked me out. I said "I only go out with 9s and 10s, and I'm sorry but urinate."
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I'm getting my step ladder out later, I don't get on with my real ladder.
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I asked my friend where I should get my Casio fixed
He said “watch repair shop”
But I don’t have a tv2 -
My friend asked me "You're being offered £25k but if you accept it, the person you hate most in the world will get £50k. Do you take it?"
Me: "Of course! Why wouldn't I want £75k?"13 -
The neighbours are having a competition to see who could hang out the washing the fastest. So far it's level pegging.
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If the world was flat, the cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now.2
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I got into the elevator on the first floor and pressed 5. The doors closed and the elevator went up to floor 4, then down a floor to 3, then 2, before it finally went back up and stopped on the 5th floor. Confused, I walked out and it was only then that I noticed the sign on the door:“Elevator out of order.”5
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You guys seen that film CONSTIPATION?No? Fair enough, it has not come out yet.3
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Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a barThey didn't planet that way2
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Visited my Doctor recently who suggested that I needed to masturbate less... Was quite offended actually and argued that its completely natural.
She had some rubbish argument saying that it wasn't natural, as she was trying to examine me at the time!!3 -
Was Keith Moon circling them?ForeverAddickted said:Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a barThey didn't planet that way4 -
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