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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
Comments
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I'm wondering which one you can't get, seeing as they're the elected presidents in order from 1968.Whinger said:I thought this was a CAPTCHA, identify the total c**ts. I'm stuck on eight.
But clever once I thought about it.0 -
I don't think Obama counted.0
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An elderly woman was being interviewed on local radio.
She had recently married a funeral director and at the ripe old age of 80 it was of some interest. The interviewer asked her about her earlier life and it transpired that this was her fourth marriage, she had previously been married to a banker, a circus ringmaster and a vicar. After listening to her story the interviewer noted her rich life - shared with four such diverse men. The old lady looked wistfully at him and said.
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go"7 -
My wife told me she’s going to a fancy dress party as a Rastafarian and wants me to do her hair.
I’m dreading it.12 -
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest, But that would explain the suitcase."
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R0TW said:I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest, But that would explain the suitcase."
That's Gold. 0 -
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
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mrs just caught me looking at porn.
i switched to a fishing program as she came in the room, but she clocked it and pipes up with;
"you might as well watch the porn, you know how to fish"
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Sponsored links:
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My mate joined a Ukrainian dating site ... now he's got a chick in Kiev.10
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Told my Spurs mate I was sorry to be late. There was a points failure at Tottenham.1
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What do you call a half Iranian and half Russian Fireman?
I’m here panic over
I’ll get me coat0 -
From today’s Guardian.
So, don’t make any plans for 2031.3 -
This must be why Nathan Jones and TC have contracts that run out in 2030.
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Not a joke but I think it's funny.
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My local WH Smith closed and it now sells stationery and is a chemists.
I went in and asked for a ring binder and they gave me immodium6 -
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Downing Street.One is from London, another is from Birmingham and the third is from Manchester.All three go with a Downing Street official to examine the fence.The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil."Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about £900. £400 for materials, £400 for my crew, and £100 profit for me."The Birmingham contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,"I can do this job for £700. £300 for materials, £300 for my crew, and £100 profit for me."The Manchester contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Downing Street official and whispers, "£2,700."The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Manchester contractor whispers back, "£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Birmingham to fix the fence.""Done!" replies the government official. And that, is how government works.12
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I gave that a lol but it probably isn't far from the truth.4
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Sponsored links:
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Straight from fools and horses and painting the pub.MrWalker said:Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Downing Street.One is from London, another is from Birmingham and the third is from Manchester.All three go with a Downing Street official to examine the fence.The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil."Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about £900. £400 for materials, £400 for my crew, and £100 profit for me."The Birmingham contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,"I can do this job for £700. £300 for materials, £300 for my crew, and £100 profit for me."The Manchester contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Downing Street official and whispers, "£2,700."The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Manchester contractor whispers back, "£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Birmingham to fix the fence.""Done!" replies the government official. And that, is how government works.4 -
My dog ate a load of scrabble tiles. The vet said it would spell disaster.4
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Surprised that yet again, a joke that involved a Jewish trait gets removed.
Hows this for you cardigan wearing personnel?
Gloria Gaynor invited six people for dinner, but one cancelled. "Never mind," she said, "I will serve five."
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The reason you are surprised is because you actually believe they are traits. They aren't, they are anti-jewish tropes and as such they will continue to be removed, so please don't post any more of them because you'll be wasting both our time.R0TW said:Surprised that yet again, a joke that involved a Jewish trait gets removed.
Hows this for you cardigan wearing personnel?
Gloria Gaynor invited six people for dinner, but one cancelled. "Never mind," she said, "I will serve five."
Thank you for the Gloria Gaynor joke. That's far more like it.7 -
English, Scottish, Irish ones ok?
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I’d have thought as long as they aren’t racist, i.e. assume the Irish are thick, the Scots mean, or the English fantastic, then yes.R0TW said:English, Scottish, Irish ones ok?1 -
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Most jokes traditionally told by English people about Irish people work just as well when told as jokes about "this bloke down the pub", or "my Palace-supporting mate" or whoever, with the added advantage of not needlessly offending Addicks with Irish ancestry.AddicksAddict said:
I’d have thought as long as they aren’t racist, i.e. assume the Irish are thick, the Scots mean, or the English fantastic, then yes.R0TW said:English, Scottish, Irish ones ok?3 -
Yeah, of course they do.0
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This bloke down the road, my palace supporting mate and whoever, walked into the pub.
Do continue.1
